Welcome to Paradise

Dear “Sunny” Southern California,

OK, so when I first moved out here in 2007 you gave me May Gray and June Gloom. It took me a while, but I eventually forgave you for that; it really wasn’t your fault that my best friend since 1991 failed to tell me about the crappy spring weather. Then, however, you gave me wild fires in the fall. Scary, yes, but we’ve agreed to disagree and move on. Finally, your weather started to prove to me that you deserve that fabulous nickname, until yesterday that is. It was upon the arrival of a nasty storm—unpredicted, of course—yesterday morning that has caused much upheaval in my life and the lives of all Southern Californians, transplants and natives alike.

You should know by now that Southern Californians cannot handle any sort of inclement weather. On a day of drizzles, traffic slows and accidents abound. On rainy days, roads become parking lots and accidents rule. And yesterday, we found out what happens when the shit hits the fan. What happens, you ask? Because of the rain yesterday, there were 167 documented automobile accidents. Documented. Because of the snow yesterday, major highways were closed, drivers were redirected to shelters, and the fear of black ice (NOT black guys as one radio-listener heard) caused people to strap on chains and head out of the mountains.

Don’t forget, dear SoCal, that yesterday was Valentine’s Day. For many people, your ridiculous weather wreaked havoc in their romantic plans. Fortunately, despite my hour-long home commute, my plans were unaffected, but for those who had to cancel their reservations due to the weather, I feel as though you owe us all an apology. Your behavior yesterday was ridiculous, and in the future, it would be much appreciated if you would change your attitude. Let’s show those East Coasters how you roll! So I ask you, Southern California, nay, plead with you to stop with the wind, the rain, the snow, the hail, the sleet. Give the US Postal Service a break. They’ve proven their worth. And the residents, we’ve proven chaos.

With love,
Stephanie of Pacific Beach

PS. If I have to scrape my windshield one more time, I’m going to move. Not really, but you’d better keep that in the back of your mind anyway.